Oxide

It hit me today. Since april 2007 (approximately) I haven't directed any project. I haven't been away from the production environment, from the set, from the headaches, from the adrenaline. But it's not the same. Definitely. Today that I'm 100% into inspiration and writing, into creation in paper, I feel that need to direct.

I feel that strong need, as if it was heroine (I haven't tried it but "Take the best orgasm you've ever had, multiply it times a million, and you're not even close..." sounds like it's good) to have my fix; to organize a work group, my crew; to go through the script with the writer and actors; to spend long hours writing and rewriting my shotlist, because the story I saw in my head at 10pm is not the same as the story I see at 1am; to have my Iñaki's cocktail (coca-cola and redbull) in the morning and drink coffee all day; to talk with my actors during the shoot, with no other directing tool but my instinct; to see from the viewfinder or the videoassist monitor how all that I imagined comes to life before my eyes... alive, completely organic.

Today it hit me. It's not cool at all. In a couple of weeks I might shoot an experimental short film with a friend, a writer, but it's not the same. That need to experiment, definitely comes from a different, much more different place. Today I heard about a friend that went into production of a short film. Just a couple of weeks ago, he told me about this idea. And now, he already did it. That was a powerful catalyst. And now I feel more needy than ever. I have many words that scream for a metamorphosis. They want to be images, and I have denied that right to them. At the moment I feel comfortable with the workload of my next term, I'll gather a group of actors, a decent cinematographer, a great colorist, and I'll get back to work.

My technique needs to be polished, and my instinct need to mature.

I feel rusty.